Category Archives for "Personal Reflections"

My Journey to 40

Preparing for 40

I had just turned 39 years old and I was already thinking about turning 40. "Had I accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish by 40? Was I the type of woman I wanted to be at 40? Had I learned from the stupid mistakes of the past? Was I giving myself credit for my successes?"

I’d started the countdown to turning 40, and I was doing a ton of personal reflection. There were certain life and career goals that I’d nailed, and others that I tanked (in my own mind). But I learned and grew from them all.

Disappointment

One of the biggest disappointments that I faced on this journey, was the realization of how much I’d held myself back from fully showing up in my own life. Part of it was “programing” that 'good girls' don’t call attention to themselves, it’s better to not really be seen. 'Righteous women' are too humble to acknowledge their God-given greatness, to do so would be interpreted as arrogance. And, 'shining your light' means being less than a 'good Believing woman', because again you really shouldn’t be seen. Believing those things most of my life left me always feeling that I couldn’t fully shine or show up the way I really wanted to show up in my life.

All the while, I truly admired the women that I saw who did shine brightly; I thought they were FIERCE! And I secretly wanted to be Fierce too.

Empowerment

Well, thank God, that this journey to 40 empowered me to release that “stinkin’ thinkin’,” and jump into becoming the woman that I truly want to be! Because, since then I’ve been able to transform several areas of my life for the better!

It’s important for me share the wealth, and empower more women to experience the transformation that I’m enjoying in my life. That’s why I created the “Fiercely Reinventing You” brand, why I wrote this "Fiercely Reinventing Your Life: Get Started Guide", and why I’m offering it to you for free.

Paying It Forward

I know that everyone will not be able to hire me to work with them 1-on-1, and everyone won’t sign up for one or more of my workshops and online courses. But, I do want everyone to be able to start down the path of personal transformation and striving to live your BEST life. It’s what I call living a Fierce and Phenomenal Life!

Paying It Forward

Fiercely Reinventing Your Life Guide Cover

So, hopefully this “glimpse behind the curtain” will help you to see why personal transformation is so important to me, why I have enjoyed coaching others to success, enjoyed being coached myself, and why I wrote this eBook for women like you and me.

If you know that although things are good right now (and from the outside looking in people think your life is great) but things could be even better. If you know that you want to stop holding yourself back, and you want to give yourself permission to really be as FIERCE as you desire to be, then you want to get your hands on this 14 page Guide. It's called "Fiercely Reinventing Your Life: Get Started Guide". You can get it at www.FiercelyReinventingYou.com

I'd love to hear how you use it to start transforming your own life!

So, hopefully this “glimpse behind the curtain” will help you to see why personal transformation is so important to me, why I have enjoyed coaching others to success, enjoyed being coached myself, and why I wrote this eBook for women like you and me.

If you know that although things are good right now (and from the outside looking in people think your life is great) but things could be even better. If you know that you want to stop holding yourself back, and you want to give yourself permission to really be as FIERCE as you desire to be, then you want to get your hands on this 14 page Guide. It's called "Fiercely Reinventing Your Life: Get Started Guide". You can get it at www.FiercelyReinventingYou.com

I'd love to hear how you use it to start transforming your own life!

I had just turned 39 years old and I was already thinking about turning 40. "Had I accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish by 40? Was I the type of woman I wanted to be at 40? Had I learned from the stupid mistakes of the past? Was I giving myself credit for my successes?"
I’d started the countdown to turning 40, and I was doing a ton of personal reflection. There were certain life and career goals that I’d nailed, and others that I tanked (in my own mind). But I learned and grew from them all.
 
One of the biggest disappointments that I faced on this journey, was the realization of how much I’d held myself back from fully showing up in my own life. Part of it was “programing” that 'good girls' don’t call attention to themselves, it’s better to not really be seen. 'Righteous women' are too humble to acknowledge their God-given greatness, to do so would be interpreted as arrogance. And, 'shining your light' means being less than a 'good Believing woman', because again you really shouldn’t be seen. Believing those things most of my life left me always feeling that I couldn’t fully shine or show up the way I really wanted to show up in my life.
All the while, I truly admired the women that I saw who did shine brightly; I thought they were FIERCE! And I secretly wanted to be Fierce too.
Well, thank God, that this journey to 40 empowered me to release that “stinkin’ thinkin’,” and jump into becoming the woman that I truly want to be! Because, since then I’ve been able to transform several areas of my life for the better!
It’s important for me share the wealth, and empower more women to experience the transformation that I’m enjoying in my life. That’s why I created the “Fiercely Reinventing You” brand, why I wrote this "Fiercely Reinventing Your Life: Get Started Guide", and why I’m offering it to you for free.
I know that everyone will not be able to hire me to work with them 1-on-1, and everyone won’t sign up for one or more of my workshops and online courses. But, I do want everyone to be able to start down the path of personal transformation and striving to live your BEST life. It’s what I call living a Fierce and Phenomenal Life!
So, hopefully this “glimpse behind the curtain” will help you to see why personal transformation is so important to me, why I have enjoyed coaching others to success, enjoyed being coached myself, and why I wrote this eBook for women like you and me.
If you know that although things are good right now (and from the outside looking in people think your life is great) but things could be even better. If you know that you want to stop holding yourself back, and you want to give yourself permission to really be as FIERCE as you desire to be, then you want to get your hands on this 14 page Guide. It's called "Fiercely Reinventing Your Life: Get Started Guide". You can get it at www.FiercelyReinventingYou.com
I'd love to hear how you use it to start transforming your own life!

The Making of a Queen

“The young queen larva develops differently because it is more heavily fed royal jelly, a protein-rich secretion from glands on the heads of young beeworkers. If not for being heavily fed royal jelly, the queen larva would have developed into a regular worker bee. All honey bee larvae are fed some royal jelly for the first few days after hatching but only queen larvae are fed on it exclusively. As a result of the difference in diet, the queen will develop into a sexually mature female, unlike the worker bees.”

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_bee

A Queen feeds on substances that support her Divine role and Destiny.

So her Spiritual food makes her more of who she was Created to be; it empowers her to remain Encouraged. It reminds her of her Divine Assignment and the Most High God she serves. She proudly serves the King of Kings.

Her Physical food energizes and equips her with needed stamina. It nurtures her body temple, and prepares it to give birth to new life and better futures; it does not weaken her, slow her down, or cause her harm.

Her Mental food informs her, uplifts her, cultivates and sustains the Wisdom and Discernment needed to humbly serve God’s Kingdom, as ONLY she can.

Others also had access to the Queen-making substance that nourished this Queen. Yet, they stopped short. They fell short in continuing the practices that would lead to a Queenly transformation.

Yes, a Queen started out from the same humble stock as everyone else. It was only what she consumed and absorbed that lead to her royal transformation.

tall mirrorIdentity Crisis

It’s quite unfortunate that so many females have apparently forgotten who they are. Separated from their true identity, they are not ladies, or even women, and they’re nowhere near becoming Queenly; they’re just females who suffer from an identity crisis. They live their lives in ways that bring them disgrace, and secret misery. They are jealous and scornful toward women who DO know who they are, women who own their divine identity and are living well, while striving for better.

Because she doesn’t know who she is, she answers to names and titles that are beneath her. This female is ill equipped. She’s ill equipped to live a Phenomenal Lifestyle™, to walk in her purpose, to recognize her King, or to successfully battle the enemy. Thus, she is even more vulnerable to destruction. She shares her body and her soul with the enemy and calls it love.

No, she doesn’t know what LOVE is, so she settles for a copy of a shadow of an illusion, which she calls “love“.

When that “feeling” ends, she moves on to find “love” elsewhere. Until, she has allowed dozens of jesters to abandon their seeds of lust in her treasure trove, and yet… she STILL feels empty. Unless she Awakens to her divine identity and becomes Conscious, this female will remain deplete of the Life-sustaining force with which she started her Journey. Her divine fitrah, the God-conscious nature that was planted inside her before her very birth, is the key to accessing the mystery she craves to solve.

Yet she knew not, because she never knew WHO SHE WAS. WHO SHE IS. WHO SHE CAN BE.

Know that it’s never too late to return to your natural, divine identity, and resume your place in God’s Kingdom. It all STARTS with knowing “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

The 3 C’s of Phenomenal Relationships

The most important thing you will ever have in your life is your relationships. Your relationship with your Creator, the relationship you have with yourself, and your relationships with the most important people in your life.

However, learning “how to” BE in a quality relationship is one of the many things most people never learn, which would exponentially improve the caliber of their lives.

When it comes to creating and maintaining quality relationships with the people in your life, especially your spouse, there are three core aspects to apply.

Clarity

In order to ever get what you want in life, it’s essential to actually know what it is that you want. The same reigns true when it comes to your love life.

If what you want is a happy, healthy, passionate, and loving marriage, be clear about that. Discuss with your partner what that actually looks like for the two of you. Because, it can look different for each couple.

Modeling a couple that appears to be happy & healthy is great. Adapting what works for them, so that it’s a proper fit for the two of you is even better. When times become challenging, go back to the Vision you both created for your union.

Commitment

When you chose to enter a marriage, you are not only pledging to commit your life to your partner. You are pledging to remain committed to the commitment of marriage.

In a day and time when few people actually ever commit to ANYTHING, the concept of being committed to a commitment can seem very novel.

However, when you know that the foundation you’ve built your relationship on is solid, you can withstand the storms and tests of life with Grace. And come out on the other side even stronger and more in love.

Communication

“Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!” It’s almost become a cliché; however, honest and respectful conversation between partners is truly one of the time-tested “Secrets” of a lasting relationship.

Communication comes in several forms. It’s not always verbal. Gary Chapman has identified 5 Love Languages, which he describes in his book which holds the same title.

It’s essential that you learn the Love Language of your spouse, and then make sure to let it guide you as you express your appreciation and adoration.

When you reinforce the foundation of your marriage with effective communication, it further solidifies your bond, and makes your partner truly feel understood and valued.

And that’s what we ALL want to feel from our most important relationships.

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“True Love is Seeking YOU… Just as You are Seeking True Love!”

But, do you know how to call it into your life with Grace & Dignity?

Or, will you Stay committed to the Habits & Practices that Keep it at Bay, and leave you Frustrated?

The Choice is ALWAYS YOURS.

5 Tips to Overcome Loneliness & Beat the Blues During a Holiday (or Any Day)

The Holidays are here, and it’s a time of great cheer!

But, what if it really isn’t a very cheerful time for you? Whether it’s the festivities of Christmas & New Years Eve, the 4th of July when folks are grillin’ and chillin’, Thanksgiving when the tables are spread with yummy delights or any other special day, being single can be TOUGH.5 Ways to Stop Feeling Lonely on a Holiday- 4th of July

 

Holidays are supposed to be about Celebrating, FUN, Family, Friends, and of course Food! But, what if YOU are alone during the holiday, or any other day of the year for that matter? What do the lonely do during the festivities?

 

I’ve been there myself, and I can tell you that it SUCKS to feel lonely! It’s especially awful to feel lonely when you are not actually alone.

 

But, what I’ve learned is that EVERY cloud has a silver lining. And, even the painful moments in life can and DO give birth to the pleasantries of life. So, the key is to NOT allow these feelings to take you down, rather to use these feelings to guide you through to a better space and place. (They also serve to make the sweetness of love all the more sweet, when you do met your own Mr. Right.)

 

Here are 5 simple ways I’ve learned to beat the lonely blues:

1. Be Creative

Do you frequently find yourself “too busy” to do the things you enjoy the most? Sure, that’s true for many of us. Well, the silver lining to the cloud of being lonely, is that it gives you the space to catch up on your hobbies.

Creativity is such a powerful outlet! Use it to express your feelings, your aspirations, or anything you so desire. Some of the most beautiful and touching art was birthed out of emotional distress. Use your God-given creativity to express yourself.

 

2. Move & Get Active

This helps you to get out of your head (where you’re most likely to feel lonely). As you’re moving you may decide to exercise by doing Zumba, Yoga or a brisk walk/jog. Or, you can get a double impact by getting your movement while you do chores around the house.

Tip: Whatever form of activity and movement you chose, make sure that during it, you are in a CONSTANT state of Appreciation. Being able to move without assistance is a massive blessing on its own. Additionally, when we have laundry to clean and put away, that means we HAVE clothes, linens, AND a Home where they belong. Those are ALL Blessings.

 

3. Volunteer

It’s SO easy to have a pity party when you’re feeling lonely. But the truth is that there is someone else who’s challenges are harder than yours.

Giving of yourself to help your fellow human, yields rewards that are indescribable. Plus, as an added bonus, while you are volunteering, you just may meet your SoulMate! And that’s great, because you’ll know that he cares about helping others as much as you do. That’s a must have characteristic is a great husband.

 

4. Call or Vist an Elderly Relative or Community Member

If you’re feeling lonely, it’s likely others are too. In our culture, the elderly are often forgotten. You just may make someone’s day by remembering her with a phone call or a personal visit. In fact, after the visit, you’ll probably realize that SHE just made YOUR day.

 

5. Pray

Prayer is obviously the FIRST go-to solution for any problem or challenge that you face. When you pray that God ease your pain, and provide you with comfort, you are tapping into the Divine source of Healing and Love.

Many of us use prayer as a backup plan, when all else fails. I encourage you to turn to this “secret weapon” first. Then, do the other things I recommend. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling happy, content, and better off for the experience.

 

There are so many things that you can do when you’re feeling lonely. Your initial response may be to turn to a “comforting addiction,” such as watching TV, emotional eating, shopping, drinking alcohol or calling a “friend with benefits,” anything to distract yourself from the fact that you’re feeling this way.

 

Although these MAY offer a temporary balm for your ailment, they are NOT a cure for anything. In fact, as you already know, they can cause a whole new set of problems themselves. Plus, these “comforting addictions” CAN and WILL make you LESS attractive to your Mr. Right.

 

It’s better to do something that will enhance yourself and make you a MORE INTERESTING woman, than to do things that ADD baggage or create problems.

 

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“True Love is Seeking YOU… Just as You are Seeking True Love!”

But, do you know how to call it into your life with Grace & Dignity?

Or, will you Stay committed to the Habits & Practices that Keep it at Bay, and leave you Frustrated?

The Choice is ALWAYS YOURS.

Are You Addicted to Bad Boys?

Addicted to Frogs-Fine Felon

Over the past few days, the internet and social media has been in a heated frenzy over the “FINE Felon!” I get it. The dude’s photo DID look GOOD.

In fact, before I read the caption, I assumed he was a model and it was an ad. However, when I saw the details and more specifically the tattoo on his face, I got over it real quick, and straightened up mid-swoon.

I’ve seen women of ALL Races, Education levels, and backgrounds getting all verklempt over this repeat offender. My point here is NOT to bash this this guy, in fact I hope he indeed turns his life around.

I want to call attention to a VERY common Addiction that few discuss openly, but far too many single women face. It’s an addiction to Kissing Frogs! That’s right, BAD BOYS!!!

Through my research and experience working with Coaching Clients, I’ve identified 10 Types of Frogs with which women commonly find themselves in unhealthy & unhappy “relationships.” (Note: Frogs come in BOTH genders; so know that ALL females are NOT Princesses/Queens)

I cover them, and much more in my FREE SoulMate Attraction Kit.

But, I won’t leave you hanging…

The Fine Felon, represents what I call a “Lowland Leopard Frog”. This type of Frog is a Repeated Criminal. Might I note, this is different from the person who made one stupid mistake, learned his lesson and promptly turned his life around.

What makes this Bad Boy a Frog, rather than a Prince is that he’s made a lifestyle out of criminal activity. The repercussions of such a lifestyle would make it very difficult for someone to decide to get married, and start a family without having the consequences of his former life spill over into his wife’s desire for a happily ever after.

Ladies, I know you desire to attract your soul mate, and enjoy the love, passion, romance and companionship that comes from a great relationship. However, I encourage you to make your dating decisions from a place of wisdom, not from a place that’s just plain dumb.

If you liked this post, then please “Like” it, Share it with your friends, and Leave me a Comment to let me know what you thought!

“True Love is Seeking YOU… Just as You are Seeking True Love!”

But, do you know how to call it into your life with Grace & Dignity?

Or, will you Stay committed to the Habits & Practices that Keep it at Bay, and leave you Frustrated?

The Choice is ALWAYS YOURS.

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My Biggest Relationship Mistakes with Men

 

As grateful as I am to be happily married to the man of my dreams, I would be a fool to pretend I did not have my share of bumps in the road along the way. The lessons IMG_0866& strategies I teach to my coaching clients and through my training programs are based on both research and my personal experiences; many of them were hard learned, do to my sometimes hard head. 🙂

My commitment is to help other women to avoid the pitfalls, heartbreak and downright foolishness that it took for me to learn how to get an amazing man of God to pursue and marry me. As I prepare for our Anniversary, which is tomorrow, I thought I’d share with you some of my world-class foolishness around men.

So here are the top, most embarrassing mistakes I’ve personally made when it comes to men and relationships:

Mistake 1. Accepting being “One of Many.”

This is when you are not in an official relationship, you don’t have any titles, there is no direction for your “relationship,” and you are not exclusive. You know that you are making this same mistake if you are implementing the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy around the status of your “friendship” and whether or not you are monogamous or even heading there. Settling for this type of “it’s better than nothing” interaction is a guaranteed ticked to Not-Knowing-Your-Worth-Ville, USA. And, I see far too many women doing the same thing.

Mistake 2. Not honoring my sexual purity & my values, by sharing my body with a man who was not my husband.the other woman

The vast majority of my single season I was celibate. Then, I would slip up & have an error in judgement, then regret it immediately. Next, came the spiral of shame and guilt which led to more feelings of unworthiness.

I realized that no moments of pleasure were worth the emotional fallout that resulted afterwards. Once I committed to waiting for my husband, to fully enjoy a sexual relationship (that was pleasing to God), this area became much easier for me. There were ZERO shades of grey when it came to this subject.

Mistake 3. Not looking for red flags. Not seeing the red flags that were there. Or not ending the relationship when I did notice the sea of red flags.

After my abusive marriage ended, I got very good at looking for these red flags. I vowed to myself that I would never again get caught up in that same type of drama & lunacy. I realized that I could have avoided it if only I’d been willing and able to see clearly what was happening right in front of me. And known how to interpret what was happening right in front of me. In fact, I came up with a checklist of 50+ Red Flags that I cover in Module 3 of the SoulMate Attraction Factor System. If it’s up to me, NO woman will EVER have to go through what I did, because she didn’t see it coming soon enough to get out.

Mistake 4. Believing that getting married would change the parts of a relationship (or person) that were not working and dysfunctional.

I’ll just chalk this one up to getting married at age 21. Although I had just graduated from college with Honors, and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, I could not have been more naive about the “and they lived happily ever after…” myth. Truthfully I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Many of the lessons on Marriage Preparation I learned around this mistake are exactly what I placed in the 5th Module of the SoulMate Attraction Factor System. I don’t want any other couple to suffer during what should be their honeymoon stage, because they were not prepared for the marriage before the wedding. Pre-marital preparation is essential to a healthy, life-long marriage; we corrected that before my Beloved and I were married, once again applying what I learned from the school of hard knocks.

Mistake 5. Believing what he said to me more than what he showed me by what he did.

This was another mistake of the young and naive Wende. Unfortunately I still see many women in their 40’s and beyond making this very mistake, repeatedly. I learned a valuable lesson watching Oprah Winfrey, when she quoted Maya Angelou. The words of wisdom imparted were, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The moment I heard this bit of sage wisdom my world was shifted!

Like many women, my pattern was to believe what sounded good, and to clinging to any shred of evidence that what I wanted/needed from the relationship was what I was actually getting; despite all the evidence to the contrary. After hearing that advice I never made that mistake again! Talk about a light bulb moment. 🙂

IMG_8668So there you have it, the five biggest, most embarrassing mistakes I made during my single season while on my quest to find true love. Thank God that I chose to learn from those mistakes rather than to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I lay it out there, exposing my errors, in the hopes that you too can learn from my mistakes and not have to make the same ones yourself. And, if you’ve already made them, so you can know that there is a way out and that true LOVE is seeking you, just as you are seeking it.

I’m celebrating Customer Appreciation this month by providing 40% off of EVERYTHING. Get the Discount Code here, along with a Bonus “LOVE Rules” Poster!

If you liked this post, then “Like” it using the Facebook link below. Then, leave me a comment to tell me what were some of your biggest relationship mistakes. I can’t wait to hear from you!

“True Love is Seeking YOU… Just as You are Seeking True Love!”

But, do you know how to call it into your life with Grace & Dignity?

Or, will you Stay committed to the Habits & Practices that Keep it at Bay, and leave you Frustrated?

The Choice is ALWAYS YOURS.

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Will You Walk By Faith Into Your Marriage

There are certain scriptures that I’ve heard so many times, they’ve become quite familiar. “I walk by faith and NOT by sight” is one of those scriptures. Today, I heard these words mentioned and they landed on me differently. I started to wonder about the word “walk.”

What Exactly Does That Word Mean?

Walking by Faith

So, I looked it up in a dictionary (actually 2 old school, low tech dictionaries, to be specific). What I found was interesting. Of course, they mentioned the typical definition of “to ADVANCE by using one’s feet.” But, they also included “a WAY OF BEING; Living.” I’m not sure I ever consciously considered this definition of the word “walk.”

It’s quite clear that these are both applicable for use in Actively Applying this verse to our lives. Advance by faith, not by sight. Be & Live by faith, not by sight. Both so completely powerful!

Are Your Eyes Deceiving You?

For the successful woman who’s so used to creating & implementing based on HER vision, it can be a test to walk when your path is only illuminated by the evidence of things hoped for, things NOT seen, i.e. Faith. But we must be aware that at times our eyes can deceive us. The things we “see” through the lens of faith are far more trustworthy than what we “see” with our physical eyes, IF we’re being led by God. Remember Prophet Noah?

Do you “see” a husband in your future? How about children? Even though there seem to be no prospects around? If God has made this your heart’s desire, then He can also allow it to happen for you. Marriage is a sacred gift that He has sent to be shared & enjoyed between Believing men & Believing women.

Don’t Let Doubt Creep In

Have you allowed your previous disappointments to cause you to doubt if this will really happen for you? To cause you to doubt if it CAN really happen? STOP IT! That’s being & living by Sight. Remember that faith is the evidence of things “unseen.” That means if you can see it with your physical eyes, you don’t need faith.

It’s Time To Exercise

Many of us need to exercise our faith muscles. That’s my coach’s request of you today. Identify an aspect of your Love Life where your faith needs strengthening. Then, focus on making it stronger. Being truly faithful feels quite vulnerable. And being vulnerable isn’t always easy. (In fact, sometimes it can be downright difficult, because it requires TRUST.) That’s right, the “T” word. Faith, Vulnerability, the “unseen,” it all comes down to whether or not we Trust God.

Will You Choose to Trust & Believe?

Do you trust God’s Timing, His Guidance, His Direction for your live? Do you trust HIM? You can’t have faith without Trust. These are essential in your spiritual walk & they’re essential in a healthy, lifelong marriage. While you’re waiting on your King, make sure you are cultivating the Queen in YOU. That’s how to create & enjoy a Phenomenal Lifestyle™!

If you’re looking for proven methods that can lead you to the Phenomenal LOVE and life-long marriage you desire, I invite you to check out my SoulMate Attraction Factor System. In 5 essential steps, I show you how to stop kissing frogs and start attracting your Mr. Right, while enjoying a Phenomenal Lifestyle™ in the meantime.

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