As grateful as I am to be happily married to the man of my dreams, I would be a fool to pretend I did not have my share of bumps in the road along the way. The lessons & strategies I teach to my coaching clients and through my training programs are based on both research and my personal experiences; many of them were hard learned, do to my sometimes hard head. 🙂
My commitment is to help other women to avoid the pitfalls, heartbreak and downright foolishness that it took for me to learn how to get an amazing man of God to pursue and marry me. As I prepare for our Anniversary, which is tomorrow, I thought I’d share with you some of my world-class foolishness around men.
So here are the top, most embarrassing mistakes I’ve personally made when it comes to men and relationships:
Mistake 1. Accepting being “One of Many.”
This is when you are not in an official relationship, you don’t have any titles, there is no direction for your “relationship,” and you are not exclusive. You know that you are making this same mistake if you are implementing the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy around the status of your “friendship” and whether or not you are monogamous or even heading there. Settling for this type of “it’s better than nothing” interaction is a guaranteed ticked to Not-Knowing-Your-Worth-Ville, USA. And, I see far too many women doing the same thing.
Mistake 2. Not honoring my sexual purity & my values, by sharing my body with a man who was not my husband.
The vast majority of my single season I was celibate. Then, I would slip up & have an error in judgement, then regret it immediately. Next, came the spiral of shame and guilt which led to more feelings of unworthiness.
I realized that no moments of pleasure were worth the emotional fallout that resulted afterwards. Once I committed to waiting for my husband, to fully enjoy a sexual relationship (that was pleasing to God), this area became much easier for me. There were ZERO shades of grey when it came to this subject.
Mistake 3. Not looking for red flags. Not seeing the red flags that were there. Or not ending the relationship when I did notice the sea of red flags.
After my abusive marriage ended, I got very good at looking for these red flags. I vowed to myself that I would never again get caught up in that same type of drama & lunacy. I realized that I could have avoided it if only I’d been willing and able to see clearly what was happening right in front of me. And known how to interpret what was happening right in front of me. In fact, I came up with a checklist of 50+ Red Flags that I cover in Module 3 of the SoulMate Attraction Factor System. If it’s up to me, NO woman will EVER have to go through what I did, because she didn’t see it coming soon enough to get out.
Mistake 4. Believing that getting married would change the parts of a relationship (or person) that were not working and dysfunctional.
I’ll just chalk this one up to getting married at age 21. Although I had just graduated from college with Honors, and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, I could not have been more naive about the “and they lived happily ever after…” myth. Truthfully I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Many of the lessons on Marriage Preparation I learned around this mistake are exactly what I placed in the 5th Module of the SoulMate Attraction Factor System. I don’t want any other couple to suffer during what should be their honeymoon stage, because they were not prepared for the marriage before the wedding. Pre-marital preparation is essential to a healthy, life-long marriage; we corrected that before my Beloved and I were married, once again applying what I learned from the school of hard knocks.
Mistake 5. Believing what he said to me more than what he showed me by what he did.
This was another mistake of the young and naive Wende. Unfortunately I still see many women in their 40’s and beyond making this very mistake, repeatedly. I learned a valuable lesson watching Oprah Winfrey, when she quoted Maya Angelou. The words of wisdom imparted were, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The moment I heard this bit of sage wisdom my world was shifted!
Like many women, my pattern was to believe what sounded good, and to clinging to any shred of evidence that what I wanted/needed from the relationship was what I was actually getting; despite all the evidence to the contrary. After hearing that advice I never made that mistake again! Talk about a light bulb moment. 🙂
So there you have it, the five biggest, most embarrassing mistakes I made during my single season while on my quest to find true love. Thank God that I chose to learn from those mistakes rather than to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I lay it out there, exposing my errors, in the hopes that you too can learn from my mistakes and not have to make the same ones yourself. And, if you’ve already made them, so you can know that there is a way out and that true LOVE is seeking you, just as you are seeking it.
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If you liked this post, then “Like” it using the Facebook link below. Then, leave me a comment to tell me what were some of your biggest relationship mistakes. I can’t wait to hear from you!
“True Love is Seeking YOU… Just as You are Seeking True Love!”
But, do you know how to call it into your life with Grace & Dignity?
Or, will you Stay committed to the Habits & Practices that Keep it at Bay, and leave you Frustrated?
The Choice is ALWAYS YOURS.