One night there was a woman at the airport who had to wait for several hours before catching her next flight. While she waited she bought a book and a pack of biscuits to spend the time. She looked for a place to sit and waited.

She was deep into her book, when suddenly she realized that there was a young man sitting next to her who was stretching his hand, with no concern whatsoever, and grabbing the pack of cookies lying between them. He started to eat them one by one.

Not wanting to make a fuss about it she decided to ignore him. The woman, slightly bothered, ate the cookies and watched the clock, while the young and shameless thief of biscuits was also finishing them. The woman started to get really angry at this point and thought “If I wasn’t such a good and educated person, I would have given this daring man a black eye by now.”

Every time she ate a biscuit, he had one too. The dialogue between their eyes continued and when only one biscuit was left, she wondered what was he going to do. Softly and with a nervous smile, the young man grabbed the last biscuit and broke it in two. He offered one half to the woman while he ate the other half.

Briskly she took the biscuit and thought, “What an insolent man! How uneducated! He didn’t even thank me!” She had never met anybody so fresh and sighed relieved to hear her flight announced. She grabbed her bags and went towards the boarding gate refusing to look back to where that insolent thief was seated.

After boarding the plane and nicely seated, she looked for her book which was nearly finished by now. While looking into her bag she was totally surprised to find her pack of biscuits nearly intact. “If my biscuits are here”, she thought feeling terribly, “those others were his and he tried to share them with me.” Too late to apologize to the young man, she realized with pain, that it was her who had been insolent, uneducated and a thief, and not him.

How many times in our lives, had we known with certainty that something happened in a certain way, only to discover later that it wasn’t true?

How many times has our lack of trust within us made us judge other people unfairly with our conceited ideas, often far away from reality?

Author Unknown

This week I have had two different experiences that have taught me the same lesson. I’m always grateful to have an “aha” moment, especially if I can laugh about it. These experiences moved me from the auto-pilot mode of routine tasks to a valuable aha moment. I know that this lesson will be as beneficial to you as it has been to me.

First, I went to the Post Office and got stuck in the parking lot by a delivery truck that blocked the entrance. While I was there I was amazed at what you can see if you just sit still and pay attention. I saw an off-duty police officer assist a man having difficulty backing out of his parking space. (Sweet!) I saw what can happen when a man leans over to get something out of his car and he insists on wearing the waist of his pants all the way down to his hips. (Gross!) That man created a total eclipse this afternoon; if you missed it, thank The Lord! But the icing on the cake was when a lady parked beside me cursed at a child in the back seat for putting his feet on the chair while the song “The God in Me” (a Gospel song) by Mary Mary played loudly in their car! (Poor child!) It was truly too ironic.

Later, I went by the Central branch of the Public Library. While I was there I saw many of the changes that had been recently made to their layout. I go to the library regularly, sometimes several times a month. However, there are several areas that I never gave a second thought, until today. The North Carolina room is now housed in the area that formally held the periodicals. (Hang in there with me; I am going to make a point with this story.) When, I saw it in its new location, I decided to peek in just to see what the new space looked like. Well, when I walked into the room I was greeted by an extremely helpful and friendly Librarian. She explained all of the info that I could find in the room; the one that stuck out for me the most was genealogy. I have a few relatives that I’d love to learn about, and this will be a wonderful resource to assist me. While re-familiarizing myself with the Library I also decided to go into the Teen Central Section. I’ve passed this section countless times and never bothered to go in to check it out. Well, when I walked in I saw that there was another room straight to the back. It looked like a funky lounge/internet café type of space. It was painted in a cool color and had chalkboard paint on the back wall that had been decorated with a beautiful abstract chalk design. The Librarian in this section said I was the second person today to come by and tell her they didn’t realize this room exists. I didn’t get to check out the whole library today because I had other obligations. But, I certainly intend to look at more of it when I return the items I’ve borrowed. So, what’s the point of the story? Have you figured it out yet?

My point here is that it is truly amazing what you can see and learn when you let yourself stop long enough and just pay attention. I was able to see the best and the worst in human behavior while just sitting in my car. And, I discovered new and interesting things in a place that I frequently visit. What can you discover about your children, your colleagues, your spouse and yourself if you just pause long enough to pay attention and be open to exploring the possibilities? My challenge to you is to take yourself off of auto-pilot and start benefiting from what is happening around you every day. You have an “Aha Moment” waiting for you.

This week, I returned from attending Unleash the Power Within, a Tony Robbins event! This was a major thrill for me because I have been a fan of his for almost two decades. I was first introduced to Tony when my dad ordered one of his audio programs, back in the day. The event was powerful and so much fun; I even got to walk on fiery coals! I’m very grateful for the insights and breakthroughs I was able to achieve and I look forward to using what I learned to help you to do the same.

There are over 60 days left in 2009. That is still enough time to make significant progress in your life, career or relationships. The next several weeks will pass, and God willing you will be here to see them. Whether you are in the exact same position at the end of this year that you are in today will be dependent on how you approach the last few months of this year. Hopefully, you have set forth various goals for yourself in the areas that are the most important to you. Most likely, you have goals that relate to your health, finances and relationships. How are you progressing in those goals? Are you on track to attaining them? Have you achieved them already? Or have you fallen off track and need to revive them and recommit to them?

Please, don’t be like the majority of the population. Most people have already given up on themselves for this year, and they’re telling themselves, “I’ll try it again in January.” You don’t have to say that, because you know that with more than 60 days you still have plenty of time to make a difference for yourself in 2009. Research shows that it takes 21-30 days to form a new habit. That means you can establish two new positive habits and still have time left over to tackle some of the other things on your list. My challenge for you is to maximize the priceless gift you’ve been given, your time. If you’ve almost achieved your goal, great job! Keep up the momentum. If you’re off track and are disappointed with your progress, start again. You get to decide if you finish 2009 in the same position you were in when you started it. If you know you need some help, encouragement, or guidance, I encourage you to contact me for your free coaching call. See below for the details.

Over the past two weeks I have spoken to several people at various events and seminars. I continue to hear people talk about how their fear of failure is holding them back from pursuing a long held dream or ambition. It’s stopping them from “playing a larger game” or taking calculated risks and pursuing a better life. When I hear people talk about their concerns over “failing” it’s usually not a concern that the result will be as serious as ending up homeless or bankrupt. They tend to be concerned that they’ll suffer some level of embarrassment with either family, friends, peers or themselves. This desire to avoid such a fate is often so strong that it’s paralyzing.

I’d like to offer an alternate view of the word failure. Dictionary.com defines failure as “a person or thing that proves unsuccessful.” Most people subscribe to a similar definition. I’d like to challenge you to change your definition of the word failure and to view it as merely an outcome.

When a baby is first learning how to walk she stumbles, teeters and falls most of the time. Despite this fact I doubt they see themselves as failures. And you’d be hard pressed to find a good parent that calls his child a “failure” because the original outcome is imperfect. In fact most parents continue to encourage and praise their baby for her continued efforts and persistence in mastering a new skill. But, somehow when it comes to us attempting new and challenging things, we inhibit ourselves if we think it may entail a period of stumbling, teetering or falling. It’s like we expect ourselves to run perfectly before we can walk or crawl.

My challenge to you is that you banish the word and the concept of “failure” from your vocabulary and your thoughts. I’d like you to replace it with the word “outcome.” When we look at an experience from the perspective of what can I learn from this outcome, we empower ourselves to go above and beyond our fears of perceived failure.

During November 2008, I received a death threat from a former employee that had been laid off from the company. Since I was the Human Resources Manager, he viewed me as the cause of his problems. Receiving such a threat surely prompted me to reflect on where I was I my life, what I was doing and what I was not doing. As a result of that turning point in my life, I chose to resign from a job I enjoyed and start my own personal and professional development company.

Don’t get me wrong, this decision was accelerated due to the traumatic event, but that event was not the cause of my decision. For years I have wanted to own my own business and achieve success on my own terms. But, alas, the comfort and perceived security of employment kept me in a holding pattern. Can you relate? So I saved up my money, knowing that one day I would “step out on my own.” The only thing I didn’t know is when and how it would happen. For some reason, it seems like I thought there would be some huge obvious sign to let me know that “Now is the time!” But that never happened. What I did get was a quiet and peaceful voice that said, “Wende, it’s time now. You’re ready!”

Well, that was a total shock to me because I certainly didn’t believe that I was ready. Although I had completed the training I needed, created a financial reserve and had an idea of how I wanted my business to run, I still felt unprepared to actually act on it. But that is where my faith came into the picture. I knew for a fact that I could not succeed in business (or in life for that matter) without God’s help and guidance. So I took a massive leap of faith and trusted that where God provides a vision he also provides provision.

After several years of working with the people that I had grown to know as my “work family” I submitted my resignation in January 2009. My choice was not based on running away from something unpleasant, but rather on running toward something new and exciting. In the time since I’ve started Universal Possibilities LLC, a personal and professional development company for women, I’ve had the opportunity to reach and help new people! The road of entrepreneurship gets bumpy at times, but whenever I start to wonder if I made the “right” choice. I reflect on the women that I coach and know that I would not want to be doing anything else with my life but what I am doing right now. How many people do you know that can say that about their job or business? Can you say it about yours?

If you would like some guidance and a step-by-step process to achieving the career success that you desire, then consider registering for my upcoming Phenomenal Woman, Phenomenal Career Coaching Program. My experience and insight as a Human Resources Manager, Certified Career & Life Coach, and working Mom can help you to clarify your career goals and create a personalized strategy to achieve them. The program is conducted over the telephone, so your geographic location is never a factor.

The past few weeks have been full of busyness and excitement. As my business grows and expands I so enjoy creating new and more effective ways to serve my clients. I’ve been keeping this a bit of a secret, and up until now I have not mentioned it in this newsletter. But, I can’t hold it any longer! I’m about to burst with anticipation! So, what’s the secret you ask? What is it that has you so excited? Ok, ok, I’ll tell you. I am working on my first book! (I already have the ideas ready for my next two books as well.) I’m projecting that the book will be published by the end of 2009. This is like my second baby, and I can’t wait for you to get your hands on it and see what all the excitement is about. Stay tuned, you know that I’ll keep you posted.

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.”

• Frank Lloyd Wright

What are you attracting? It seems like an odd question at first, but it’s certainly one that begs to be asked and answered. In our younger years, we were frequently admonished to be careful about who we picked as friends, the type of music to which we listened and what we watched on TV. These pearls of wisdom may have sounded like this: “Birds of a feather flock together. Like attracts like. As a man thinkith, so shall he be.” Those warnings were usually made by well intentioned adults who wanted to make sure that we surrounded ourselves with primarily positive and uplifting influences.

These time-worn maxims are equally relevant to both the young and the young at heart. However, for many of us, once we become adults we start to think that we are above being influenced. We think that we can associate with unsavory people, listen to belittling music or watch violence and other disturbing images on TV, and that they no longer have any impact on us. But, the reality is that we are always attracting something, either positive or negative into our lives. The primary factor that determines whether what we attract is positive or negative is our thoughts, which lead to our beliefs. There is so much information available about The Law of Attraction and I encourage you to research it.

One of the aspects of this Law is that what we focus on expands. That means that if we continue to surround ourselves with people, things and concepts that represent everything we don’t want to be, do or have, then we will continue to attract those undesirable experiences into our lives. Another pattern that I see frequently is people talking constantly about what they don’t want or don’t have. For example, men talking about how much “loving” they no longer get from their wives, women talking about how little help and romance they get from their husbands, and employees talking about how little appreciation and acknowledgment they get from their employers.

So what’s a person to do? After all we do have needs, and we deserve to have them met. The fact is that from time to time we will face undesirable circumstances in our lives, but how we handle them will determine the frequency and duration of these events. Sometimes a negative experience is a test. And, in God’s infinite mercy He allows us to continue to retake our tests until we pass them. When the lamenting husband, wife or employee stops focusing on what they don’t have and starts appreciating what they do have in their situation, their own thoughts, beliefs, and subsequently their behavior can begin to change. These changes can then start to attract exactly the thing they long for.

You certainly don’t have to take my word on this matter. You can test it out for yourself. Think about a very negative person you know; the type of person that can find the negative in everything. If it was a clear sunny day she would complain about needing to wear sunglasses, if she won $20 Million she would complain about the taxes. Now, think about the type of events that seem to always take place in her life. Does she always seem to have some new tragedy or unfortunate occurrence happening, that she can’t wait to tell you all about? Well, this is not a surprise to anyone that understands the Law of Attraction. This type of person continues to attract drama into his or her life because s/he focuses and meditates on drama. With that said, I ask you again: “What are you attracting?”

I challenge you to incorporate a positive practice into your life that will help you to counter the negativity that may surround you. Your positive practice may involve increasing the frequency or quality of your prayers, writing positive affirmations and reading them each day or merely turning off the news and “talking heads” TV shows. You can easily adopt a variety of proactive patterns that will help you ensure that what you are attracting is indeed what you want for yourself.

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.

• Grandma Moses

I recently read the book Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton. The primary premise of this book is that the “Rock Stars” in any Industry or Position do not waste their time or efforts trying to perfect their weaknesses. Instead, they know that the greatest opportunity for growth and excellence is in building upon their existing strengths, and then managing around their weaknesses. This way of thinking is definitely against the grain and the opposite of how most of us were indoctrinated. That’s why I was initially doubtful. Never the less, I am now a pom-pom carrying “Strengths-based Cheerleader.” I’ve seen the light and will stop trying to become perfect in every area. (Well, I’ll try to stop. After all “My name is Wende, and I’m a recovering Perfectionist.” Admitting it IS the first step!)

The book was recommended to me last year by someone I respect, so I added it to my list of books to read and didn’t think much more about it. Then, it was mentioned recently by my mentor. So, I decided to buy it and dug in. Along with the book comes a code to take an online assessment to determine your top 5 talent profiles (the areas that can most easily become your strengths). The authors refer to these as your signature themes. Before you fall asleep on me, keep reading!

How can I explain the experience of receiving my 5 signature themes and reading about them in this book? It was like having someone you just met describe you to a tee and tell you about your interests, behaviors and tendencies. The experience was amazing! The theme descriptions also helped to affirm for me that the very purpose that I believe I was created to fulfill is also the one that God gave me the natural talents to achieve. Have you have ever experienced a momentary period of wondering if you are crazy for attempting what you are working toward? If so, then you know how wonderful it is when you get a divine confirmation that you are indeed on the right track!

So, obviously I wholeheartedly recommend this book. But, even more, I urge you to take action and use your knowledge, skills and natural talents to move you ahead in the ways that are most important to you. I’ve heard the statement that the richest place on earth is the graveyard, because so many people pass away with all of their wealth still in them. They were too fearful, lazy, etc to mine the gold that was placed within them by their Creator. I don’t intend on living or dying with my wealth of talent going untapped and underutilized. I hope you can say the same thing.

My challenge to you is to identify your natural talents. Then, decide how you will grow them into amazing strengths that will catapult you to the success (in your personal and professional life ) that you desire and deserve. Doing this will not only help you, but it will also ensure that you are giving back to society from the place of unlimited wealth that is within you. That’s what I call a “win-win!”

You must take the first step to win any race. The first step will take some effort and maybe some pain. But after that, everything you have to do is real life movement. Once you’re moving you must keep moving.

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desires and begin at once, whether you’re ready or not, to put your plan into action.

If you can get up the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed. You can only fail if you fail to start.

Winning starts with beginning!

©2002 MotivationMentor@aol.com

This weekend I got to spend time with a lot of my family. It was wonderful to be able to catch up with one another and find out about the new twists and turns that life has brought into each of our lives. One of the things that stood out for me was a conversation with one of my young cousins.

She is preparing to go off to college in the next few days and made a comment that she wanted to get a hair weave before leaving for school. This statement really surprised me because the implication was that she didn’t believe she was beautiful enough with her own hair. Now let me be clear, I’m not trying to pull one of those “Baby, you’re beautiful on the inside so that makes you beautiful on the outside” comments that Mothers are famous for telling their girls. No, this young lady is truly beautiful; she looks like a famous pop music singer. So the fact that she saw herself as needing some type of dramatic “enhancement” was baffling to me. It made me concerned about how my own daughter will one day see herself, despite that fact that she too is a beautiful girl.

The whole experience made me think about my days as a teen and a Twenty-something. I remember experimenting with fake hair, fake nails, and even a fake eye color. I thought that these things added to my beauty. Wait, that’s not true, at the time I didn’t see myself as beautiful, so I tried those things hoping that they would MAKE me beautiful. It has taken some time and reprogramming my mindset to no longer accept the fashion industries standard of beauty as the only or even the most important one that exists. It also required an upgrade to my confidence level to appreciate who and what I see in the mirror. Now that I’m in my Thirties I can appreciate the unique beauty that is mine. And, at times I will even look in the mirror and sing to myself, “You are so beautiful to me…!”

Back to my cousin. When I thought about what she wanted to do it reminded me of a magnificent rose. What if the rose thought, “This shade of red isn’t pretty enough. I need to get some paint and paint myself Crayola red.” Of course that is absurd, the rose doesn’t doubt it’s exceptional appeal, nor would the majority of us want to smell and admire a painted rose. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not speaking against using make-up or coloring our hair. Those little tweaks can be provide much needed pick me ups and help to accentuate our most exquisite features as women. However, when we let ourselves get to a point where we are dependent on them, and feel as though we are inadequate and unappealing without them, we really have a problem. When a beautiful young girl with a “celebrity face and figure” sees herself and thinks “this isn’t good enough,” then something is wrong.

I don’t know if my cousin will end up getting the weave added to her hair or not. But I do hope that either way, she looks at her reflection and knows that whether her hair cascades down her back or whether it barley skims her neck that she truly is beautiful on the inside and that is what magnifies her external beauty. It turns out Mama was right all along!

I was thrilled to see the first official day of spring arrive! For me, the arrival of each new season is a special time, full of the potential for growth, the opportunity to sow or the ability to harvest (not to mention the arrival of my allergies). When I read this quote from Hal Borland, I thought it was just perfect for today’s newsletter. “Each new season grows from the leftovers from the past. That is the essence of change, and change is the basic law.” How do you view the arrival of a new season? Not just in weather, but new seasons in your life as well?

Many of us go about life acting as though we expect it to always be spring or summer time. Then, when we are inevitably faced with the fall or winter seasons we are unprepared and feel betrayed and confused by the change. Few of us would go through the winter months wearing our summer clothes, or vice versa. But, many of us do just that when it comes to the different seasons of our lives. We expect what worked for one season will work for every season. Please reflect on the following words, taken from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, in The Bible:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

Are there aspects of your life that are out of season and need to be lovingly put to rest? Maybe you have several sizes of clothes in your closet that you can no longer wear. Instead of serving as a motivation for you to get back into them, they are acting as negative reminders of a goal you have yet to achieve. Perhaps you are holding onto a job or a relationship that were “just right” for you at one point in your life. But now that the season has changed, it is stifling your growth and your ability to reap the bounty that The Creator has in store for you. Maybe you are holding onto physical reminders of the past that hold significant emotion for you. Are these mementoes manifesting as clutter in your home, car or office? If any of these scenarios ring true for you, I challenge you to do some Spring Cleaning in your life, not just your physical environment this season.

Are you stuck in the time to weep, when now it’s the time to laugh?

Are you clinging to the time to build up, when now it’s the time to tear down?

Push past your blockages, and step into the new season of your life. Spring is a time for new beginnings; let’s get started! If you want help with this, please contact me.