“You’re not the same as you were before. You were much more muchier; you’ve lost your muchness.” –Mad Hatter

“My muchness?” – Alice

“In there (your heart/core), something is missing.” –Mad Hatter

I recently saw (twice) Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton; I can’t believe how much I loved it. It was such a powerful metaphor for life. In my opinion, the dialogue above was one of the most powerful moments of the movie. And, based on Alice’s continual reference from that point forward to possessing her “muchness,” it was powerful to her as well. Many of us have found ourselves involved in events and circumstances that caused us to lose our muchness. Survivors of any type of abuse, molestation, rape, harassment, stalking, disease, cancer, job loss, etc are very likely to experience this as a result of their negative experiences. I’m very grateful to know for a fact that we can regain our muchness, once we decide that we deserve to reclaim it!

As with most aspects of personal development, it begins with making a decision. I hope that today you decide that you deserve to reclaim your God-given right to restore your muchness. If you still have some of it, but it seems to be on life support, then decide to resuscitate your muchness. If you are one of the phenomenal women that has successfully reconnected with and revived your muchness, please look around and help another woman that is currently where you have been. I promise, you won’t need to look far to find one.

Just as Alice does in the movie, we all have a Jabberwocky (scary dragon) that only we can slay. And we all have access to the “sword” we need to slay that dragon. The question I ask of myself and encourage you to ask yourself is “Am I willing to have faith in God and myself, face my fears (despite how real/pressing/pee-in-your-pants-scary they may be) and take the action to retrieve the sword and slay the foe?” For me the answer is “Absolutely! Yes!” I will admit that there was a PROCESS for me to get to that YES. But, I did it, by God’s grace and I believe you can too. If you decide, to reclaim your muchness and be much muchier once again!

I just saw this today, and I think it’s super cute and very encouraging, so I wanted to share it with you. This is a prime example of the fact that children learn what they live. This little girl has obviously seen and heard someone using affirmations and speaking positively. It’s so nice to see videos of kids doing positive things instead of pretending to be pop singers and dancing inapproriately and gyrating.

On May 14-15, I had the extreme pleasure of leading a woman’s retreat for single women. The event was called Smart, Sexy & Single: A Women’s Retreat and it was my response to the constant negative messages and attitudes that single women over 30 have hurled at them without regard to how they may impact us.

The workshops I facilitated during the retreat were: Sex, Spirituality & the Single Woman, A Woman’s Guide to being Happily Single and How to Avoid Marrying Cheaters, Jerks & Liars. This event was far more powerful than I could have even imagined and there were numerous aha’s, moments of extreme clarity and new understanding of why we make many of the choices we make (even when those choices may violate our values and principles).

I’m happy to have had the opportunity to use my knowledge, passion and gifts to help such a dynamic group of women. May God bless each of them with the happiness and love they deserve, just because.

In my booth at Passport 2 Success in Greensboro, NC

Today, I had the honor and privilege of volunteering as a Career Coach for the WFMY Passport 2 Success event. This was my second time

WFMY Passport 2 Success 2010

working with this event and I continue to enjoy being able to contribute to others in such a significant way. I really enjoyed helping job seekers by providing suggestions, feedback and resources to assist in being better prepared for their searches. Two of the things I saw consistently were lack of clarity about what type of job is actually desired, and lack of confidence that someone would hire them. It always hurts me when I see a person convince themselves that they are not worthy or valuable. It’s my life’s purpose to help people, specifically women, to acknowledge their worth and know their value. That’s one reason I’m so grateful to be able to give back by participating in events like this.

If you are looking for a new job, here’s my advice:

• Prepare for the interview by researching the company, do NOT go into an interview unprepared
• Ask questions of your interviewer, you can NOT possibly know everything about the company or the position, ASK QUESTIONS
• Understand your worth and why you will be a valuable employee to the company
• Let yourself grieve the loss of your last job, if you don’t do this your negative feelings are likely to show through as you present yourself
• Know your strengths, and be able to discuss them with specific examples (if you can include numbers like how much you saved the company, etc that even better)
• Know your weaknesses, and be able to describe how you work around them
• Be able to explain how you benefited your previous employer (why was the company better off because you worked there)
• Focus on personal grooming and hygiene (it shouldn’t have to be mentioned, but unfortunately it NEEDS to be mentioned)
• Smile and be confident that you are the best candidate for the position
• If you believe you must wear a black & white outfit to the interview, please make sure it helps you stand out in a good way, not blend into the background and become very forgettable as a job candidate. If everyone wears black and white, how will they remember you specifically. Your purpose is to stand out above the rest of the applicants and prove to the employer that you are the best fit for the job and the company culture.

In front of my booth at Passport 2 Success in Greensboro, NC

First Lady Michelle Obama

I believe that success leaves clues. With that in mind, I study as many people as possible that have attained the type of “whole life’” success to which I aspire. That’s why I’m including the Celebrity Spotlight Feature in Phenomenal Life and Career Newsletter. It’s my extreme honor to feature our country’s First Lady as the first celebrity to be profiled.

Over the last several years I’ve had the pleasure of learning about the Phenomenal Woman that is First Lady Michelle Obama. During that time, I’ve adopted her as one of my mentors and role models. I aspire to be as gracious, stylish and confident as she appears to be.

In my opinion, Mrs. Obama is living proof that yes we can have it all, love, family, career, happiness and fulfillment if we are willing to work at it. Here are just 3 of the secrets to success I’ve learned from her:

1. Choose your priorities and let them shape your life.

“And in my own life, in my own small way, I’ve tried to give back to this country that has given me so much. That’s why I left a job at a law firm for a career in public service, working to empower young people to volunteer in their communities. Because I believe that each of us–no matter what our age or background or walk of life–each of us has something to contribute to the life of this nation.”

2. Being classy and intelligent are always fashionable and never go out of style.

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

3. Self-care is not selfish, it’s smart; because, it refuels you so you can continue to give to others.

“I have freed myself to put me on the priority list and say, yes, I can make choices that make me happy, and it will ripple and benefit my kids, my husband, and my physical health. That’s hard for women to own; we’re not taught to do that. It’s a lesson that I want to teach my girls so they don’t wait for their “aha” moment until they’re in their 30s like I was (laughs). Maybe they can experience it a little earlier.”

My challenge to you is to take an assessment of your own life and career choices. Do they truly reflect who you are and your current priorities? Or are they more like some random mix of outcomes created by default? Let’s take a cue from Mrs. Obama, and be more intentional about how we design our lives. Many women spend more time designing their outfits than they do on designing their lives. Please don’t be one of them.

Whether you love her or love to hate her, Angelina Jolie is definitely a powerful force. She’s a devoted mom, a committed humanitarian, and a highly sought after and talented actress; how’s that for a triple threat. Despite the tabloid’s obsession with her and the twists & turns in her life, she remains steadfast in her determination to be herself, for better or for worse. I’d love to share with you the lessons I’ve learned from Angelina over the years.

“I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about. I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.”

- Angelina Jolie

What does it say about us when we live in a society where most women can find some aspect of themselves (physical or otherwise) that they dislike? Even many women who have been voted The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, like Angelina, battle insecurities and feelings of being undesirable. It’s definitely time for us to acknowledge that we were indeed miraculously and wonderfully made. I agree with Ms. Jolie that the so called flaws that we possess can be quite beautiful. I’m reminded of one of my favorite lyrics from an old song called Lady, from The Whispers. The lyric says “Your body’s designed by the wisdom of time. And, I couldn’t live without you, without losing my mind.” I love this line because I think it perfectly describes the unique beauty of women. I think of it when I see the alterations to my body after carrying my beloved daughter. Then, I say to myself “Girl you still look good! These changes are beautiful, they were designed by the wisdom of time!”

“If you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, most people haven’t done it. That breaks my heart.”

- Angelina Jolie

This is a sad but true epidemic, even in the age of the “bucket list.” But, I am committed to do my part to help change it. That’s why I focus on helping women create the lifestyle they thought was out of reach. I know that so many women are tired of pretending to have it all together, when in actuality, they are not living the life they wanted, in the career they wanted or in the relationship they wanted. The lesson I take from Angelina here is that I have the right and the responsibility to pursue the life I want for myself and my family.

“I’m happy being myself, which I’ve never been before. I always hid in other people, or tried to find myself through the characters, or live out their lives, but I didn’t have those things in mine.”

- Angelina Jolie

Getting to the point of being genuinely happy being yourself is one of the most important goals of personal growth and development. For most of us, this is an ongoing journey that parallels our lives; just when we think we’ve arrived, BAM something happens that requires us to regroup and start over again. The goal is the dust yourself off and get to that place again and again until we are there more often than not.

My challenge to you is to take some private time alone and look at yourself in your natural state, that’s right in your birthday suit. See the beauty in your “flaws” and the sexiness that comes from having a body that’s designed by the wisdom of time. Then, think of 3 of the things you really want to do with your life, relationships, career, home or another area. Write them down, and create an outline to get them started. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just get started. Finally, ask yourself if you are in a place where you’re happy being you (the real you, not someone you pretend to be so that other people will like you). If we take a lesson from Angelina Jolie in these areas, we’ll be on our way to being powerful forces too!

True Beauty

For attractive lips,

Speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored,

renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed;

Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands;

one for helping yourself,

the other for helping others.

- Sam Levenson

Do I want to have it all?

Every New Year, women start with the highest of hopes and the best of intentions to transform ourselves and our lives. We believe that the fresh start of a new calendar will be the secret ingredient we need to help us start living the life and lifestyle of our dreams. You scribble down a wish list of goals, objectives and resolutions that you hope will magically transform everything for you. Or, perhaps you belong to the other school of thought that has officially said “bah humbug!” and giving up on resolutions all together. Because you know that in the past they’ve never worked for you.

Having been on both sides of this debate over the years I will admit that I’m back in the game, on Team Resolution! However, this year I’ve learned from what didn’t work in the past and modified my approach. Listed below are the Top 5 goals that women have indicated are important to them during 2010. Do any of these sound familiar? Did these make your list?

1. Lose Weight/ Get in Shape
2. Spend More Time with Family/ Improve Marriage
3. Career Advancement/ Get a Raise
4. Get & Stay Organized
5. Get out of Debt

I’ll admit that more than half of these are on my list, along with a laundry list of others that support them. I’ve set specific goals for each of the following areas: health, relationships, money, spirituality and self. As I mentioned, this year I’m using a different strategy to achieve my goals and track my progress. It’s really pretty simple.

First, assess where you started, using a clearly defined measurement system. This will be very important as you go through the year. If you’re like most of us mere mortals you’ll have ups and downs, success and setbacks. If you have not used an objective method to measure your starting point and successive results, you are likely to underestimate your overall progress when you go through a “down cycle.” We don’t want that!

Second, break down the goal into smaller time frames; for example, quarterly or monthly. The mistake I’ve made in the past was to only set an annual goal, and then being the recovering procrastinator and perfectionist that I am wait until November or December to try to complete everything on my list! I’m sure that no one else has fallen into that pattern, and I’m the only one. But, just in case you can relate, I now recommend “chunking” your goal into bite sized morsels! They are much tastier that way, rather than bingeing at the buffet line like this is your last meal.

Finally, revisit your goals throughout the year to see if they are still relevant to you right now. You may have changed and your life may have evolved to the point that what used to be very important to you is now irrelevant. If so, cut yourself some slack and cross it off of your list. Ah, what a feeling!

So, despite which side of the matter you find yourself. You may let yourself get caught up in the hype of the New Year’s season and declare your life altering resolutions. Or, you may be more rational about it and merely set performance goals and objectives. Either way, these simple steps will help you to achieve the results you desire with minimal stress and maximum reward.

Universal Possibilities Challenge: Set at least one goal for each of the following areas of your life: Health, Relationships, Money, Spirituality and Self. Make a commitment to yourself. And, strive to accomplish these goals within 3 months.

I passionately strive to achieve the goals I set for myself. I love the rush I get from crossing something off my to do list, the exhilaration of achieving a goal, and the feeling of accomplishment that stems from knowing that I’m living up to the potential that God placed within me. While I recognize the importance of drive and productivity, I also acknowledge that I need a balanced approach if I intend on staying sane and pleasant while I go about my work as a “super woman and super mom!”

Recently, I gave myself permission to read something that had absolutely nothing to do with my professional development or personal development. That’s right I read a novel for the first time in years, and I loved it! The thing that’s odd is that I didn’t even realize that this was something that I missed until I was doing it again. It’s so easy to get caught up in accomplishing all the things we put on our lists that we forget to include “enjoy some downtime, and don’t feel guilty about it.” When I first started reading the novel I thought about all of the other things that “should” be doing. Then, I remembered that I deserve to take some time to enjoy myself. In fact, doing so is a critical component of self-care and rejuvenation.

So many women feel the pressure to be everything to everyone all the time, while maintaining a perfect attitude, hairstyle and outfit! Then, we end up neglecting our needs and wants in the process. While working with coaching clients, I’ve seen women that have completely lost touch with what they want and who they are altogether because of this. That’s definitely not what I want for myself or for you. My lesson learned was to enjoy some downtime and not feel guilty about it; I encourage you to do the same. Taking the time to engage in relaxing and/or exciting activities is revitalizing. It rebuilds our reserves so we can go about our work as moms, wives, leaders among all the other hats we wear.

Challenge:

My challenge to you is do something that you truly enjoy. You may have to try to remember what it is, but give yourself the time and space to honor the hobby, sport, or activity that you enjoy doing during your downtime. And, don’t even think about feeling guilty about taking that time for yourself; remember its restorative and it rebuilds your reserves.